Finding Light in Darkness
by epic sweetness712
Summary: So I've decided to re upload the story. This takes place a few weeks after the Count, but before Barry arrives. Felicity gets attacked by another villain of the week and Oliver feels guilty for it. Felicity says something to get him to see the proverbial light and Oliver has a few realizations.
1. Finding Light

**Author's note- **Gosh I realize I seem like a complete perfectionist about this and at some point I'll stop editing this, when I wrote this I didn't know it was going to evolve anymore until I started to write the second chapter. I put this a couple weeks after the count, Felicity was attacked again by a different villain of the week (not sure who, but he doesn't really matter and just serves the purpose of making Oliver feel guilty.) and this is before Barry shows up. So I've also decided to make this into a story- not sure where it will end, but I do have a rough sketch right now. **Disclaimer- **I don't own Oliver, Felicity or Arrow because if I did- this probably have happened by now.

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"…Oliver, what I'm going to say is going to be a hard pill to swallow, but I need you to bear with me for a moment… _This._ Wasn't _your _fault and I want you to stop feeling guilty right now! No matter what, _this _was going happen whether I knew you or not. Without you a lot of people wouldn't be standing here right now." Felicity said, but before she could finish Oliver started to move away, ready to bolt at any giving second.

"Felicity, I-" "No! Oliver Jonas Queen! You are going to listen to what I have to say!" she said in a huff.

"Oliver, you need to face the facts. Let's talk about a hypothetical world, since you're so fond of what ifs- Let's say for second you never came back or maybe you did and you just decided to not become the Hood or the Arrow. Do know what would have happened? Thea would still have been teetering on the edge sanity and probably would of died of a Vertigo overdose or could have died behind the wheel high off of it. Walter- would've probably died if you hadn't of gotten him out when you did. Digg would have been dead; shot by the same man that killed his brother because you and I both know he still would of went after him at some point." Felicity paused for a moment.

"…And me… Well, I would've been dead a year ago. I wouldn't have dropped it and would have tried to find Walter myself. We both know what would have happened too" she told him sadly. By the look on his face, she could tell he wanted to refute it, but he knows that that he can't no matter how much it pains him- so Felicity continued.

"I'll throw in another what if and say 'what if I survived that?'…Well if you'd come back, you would of seen on the news at some point that 'A Queen Consolidated employee was confirmed to be missing' and that would've probably been the first and last time that you'd have heard of Felicity Smoak…And now Oliver, I know- _know _that you don't want to hear what I have say next, but you _have_ too and I know that I'm probably going to far, but I still think you need to hear it- …_Tommy…" _shesaid as he tried to this time forcefully move me out of the way to make it up the stairs and away from the truth. Felicity quickly and successfully moved in front of him and placed her hands on his chest to stop him from leaving.

"Oliver. _You have _to listen to this.. Tommy, Tommy still would be dead. _No matter what_. Because he didn't die because of _you._He died from the actions of his father, _not yours_. Laurel, gorgeous, stubborn Laurel would of still been at CNRI, she still would have thought she had enough time to of get out and wouldn't of listened to her father and Tommy would've still gone after her. Tommy still would have died. The night of the Undertaking still would have happened and not only five hundred and three would have been killed- hundreds more, maybe even thousands would have died that night."

"I know you think you only have darkness to give anyone, but Oliver- for every darkness that you seem to think you give people- you give twice, no ten, no _a thousand_ _times_ the light. You give them something to hope for…" she ended.

For the first time, she couldn't identify the look on his face. she wasn't entirely sure if what she had said got through to him at all and that is what makes this all the more sadder. If Felicity couldn't get through to him now, she didn't think she'd ever be able to. But the look on his face, if she knew him as well as she believed did, then Felicity would say that his eyes shown- hope, longing and maybe her wistful thinking- love. Before she could continue, he cut her off.

"Felicity… if I give anyone light- it's because of you."

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**Another author's note- **any and all mistakes are mine, I know I probably still have a few- depending if I didn't lose anyone from the constant editing I still have a few more story ideas in my head for olicity in this story. (^_^)*


	2. Finding Change

**Authors note- **So I really wasn't sure of the direction I wanted to go in, whether or not I wanted to make this a series of drabbles or make this into a story, but the more I thought about it- the proverbial light bulb went off. I have an idea about the direction I want to go in. For the most part this chapter is a continuation of the last chapter, but quite a bit of time has passed since then. And oh, p.s. Felicity's thoughts are italicized. **Disclaimer: **I don't Arrow or Oliver Queen and Felicity Smoak.

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It had been a few weeks since she stood on her soap box and forced Oliver to hear her out and just as she suspected- '_he did not take it well, at least not at first.' _After he ended the rant with his _not so not- epic words -_something changed. That much was painfully obvious. After the first day or so he was closed off. Days at QC were beginning to get frustrating to be near him, but then like they never even happened, it was as if he flipped a switch and they seemed to revert back into their old relationship, with the witty banter and "pleasant" conversation. '_As well as I could anyway. Because seriously? There is only so much this IT girl could take.'_ Only this time there was added tension of a different sort that she wasn't quite ready to own up to yet, that and her glancing over to him from her desk ever so often to find that he was already staring back. All in all, he did seem to walk a bit lighter on his feet.

'_Yeah… things were changing' _she thought.

And the changes didn't stop there; they had even not so subtly made their way into the foundry. Because low and behold here she was tonight behind her computer trying to make sense of Oliver's constant whip-lash moods while he and Digg were out on patrol. '_One minute he's the space between them seemed like a never ending chasm and the next it's as if he's never heard the term of "personal bubble" and hovering over me with his Greek god body that he's sculpted as… not that I really mind him being in my bubble, actually I quite like it. I mean who wouldn't? Not with those abs, you wouldn't. Ugh. Get a hold of yourself Felicity. You're just his girl Wednesday.' _She shook her head as she reminded herself.

Even though his mood swings tend to confuse her, she didn't really mind them. She knew that he was just trying to juggle as much as he could. She often wondered how he did it because half the time she couldn't even manage to talk without stumbling and rambling off words when she was talking to her family- mainly whenever the Arrow was brought up that is. Her family just _loved _to get her opinion on that topic. Since she was the only one that lived in the city with the infamous _vigilante_, they often asked why she stayed even after what happened with the Glades.

Of course she'd never tell them it was because she happened to work with said handsome vigilante/newly turned hero- at least he was in her eyes. So she would just tell them that crime has lessened since the Undertaking and would spout out some sort of statistic to appease them. But lately it was getting harder and harder to stop that particular levy full of questions from breaking apart, especially when they had found out that she was "promoted" from her previous IT job to Oliver Queen's personal assistant. That just brought up a whole slew of questions that she didn't really have the nerves to lie to them about. Of course she would never tell Oliver any of that. He already had enough on his plate to handle.

'_Speaking of the handsome devil, he and Digg should be back soon. I wonder if they'll bring back any take out?'_

As she looked down at her phone she was reminded of what the time was- _'well I guess not. I guess it's off to last night's left over Chinese takeout and a glass of red wine for me then.'_

After a few moments of contemplating what she was going to do once she got home, the tell tale sounds of footsteps coming down the stairs alerted her to Digg and Oliver'sarrival. She swiveled her chair around to get a look at them and then noticed the state Oliver was in.

With his hood down, you could tell that the green paint had washed off and was replaced with scratches. And from what she could tell- he'll probably have a black eye by morning and a sore jaw. She started talking as she made her way to the med cart that they had set up.

"_Gasp. _What the hell happened? Why didn't you guys say anything? When you went radio silent thirty minutes ago, you said everything was fine and that you were headed back. I mean.. Why didn't you guys alert me so that I could get the first aid out to have it ready when you got back here. Oliver, you could have internal bleeding because man it looked like he got ran over by a tank, I mean the scratches make you look a little more rugged than usual, but you still look li-" Before she could continue he came over to her and put his hands on her shoulders to get her attention.

"Felicity?! _I'm okay. _It's nothing, just a few scratches. On the way back here, there was a mugging 52nd street or at least…_sigh_ what I thought was a mugging." He said dropping his hands and looking up at the ceiling. He seemed to be trying to work something out in his head.

"What'd you mean? A mugging, that _didn't_ turn out to be a _mugging_?" she asked perplexed.

"It was a trap. Staged to look like a mugging, when in actuality it was Laurel trying to catch the Arrow again" he said.

"_What?! _Oliver I- _sigh…_ here sit down over there while clean your cuts." She motioned to the metal slab in the middle of the lair.

Digg moved around to join them when his phone went off and looked down to see who it was from. "It's Lyla. She's in between cases right now so she's home for the weekend, I should probably get going. Oliver? Do you think you can fill Felicity in on what happened tonight?" he asked.

"Uh, yeah Digg go, I got it from here. Go see Lyla." Oliver waved him off. As soon as Digg made it up the stairs and out the doors, he turned his intense gaze onto Felicity.

"So…" she started, but found it increasingly hard to stay focused when the way he was looking at her was making her feel incredibly naked all of the sudden.

"So… Are you going to play doctor with me yet?" he teased as he stood to remove his green leather jacket and to her surprise found that he was wearing nothing underneath.

'_Was this man trying to kill me? I mean he doesn't tease often, but here lately it's been like role reversal and he's been- well I don't know if it's intentional or not but he's throwing innuendos out at me like crazy. Yeah… ooh… yeah something's __**definitely**__ changing. Come on Felicity, stop staring at his naked and impressive chest. One would think you'd be completely used to this by now' _she thought.

"Felicity?! My eyes, are up here." He said with a smug grin and like cold water his words had done the trick.

"_snort*…_ Yeah I got that. So, about Laurel? What happened tonight?" she asked as she got the peroxide and poured it on to some of the cuts that had managed to slice through his jacket. She knew she was acting childish, but they both knew he was messing with her, so she thought _'two can play that game'. _But she was also determined to stay focused on the task at hand while literally being stuck between his legs fixing him back up. _A hard task indeed. _

"_Hiss…_Damn it Felicity" he growled out at her. If his words didn't make her see that he wasn't quite happy with her little act, his face said all there needed to.

"_Sorry_, don't be a big baby and you were telling me about Laurel?" she reminded him.

"There's really not much to say. She just- for the lack of a better term- _obsessed _with trying to catch the vigilante, but as usual her attempts never end up being successful for her." he said turning his head from her for a moment. She was starting to wonder if the close proximity was getting to him to.

"Well… she looked like she got close this time. What'd she do that has you looking like you did the horizontal mambo with a cheese grater?" At that analogy, she could almost hear corners of his mouth start to turn up when he answered her. She wouldn't dare look at his face as she was trying to clean out his cuts for fear of what he could see. _'Damn, I hate being easy to read.'_

"She…_may or may not_ have lured me by having me chase the mugger to the old Smiths factory that's abandoned. And there _may or may not _have been Laurel's tactical team waiting for me with a small… bomb. I don't think she was trying to kill me from the way it was positioned- probably only to knock me out. She just didn't see that I had already learned from the previous time and had an escape planned out if something like that happened again. Which it did." he explained uncomfortably.

"_Wow _and I thought her tries couldn't get any worse than the last time. Oliver I'm…I'm really sorry. I know how much you wish she'd accept this part of you. I'm mean of course the Arrow side of you because she doesn't know who he is and he is _you _so this must make it hard to be around her when you can't explain to her why you do the things you do and-"

"_Felicity…" _cut her off. "_sigh…_I'm not angry about what happened, I understand why she does it. I also know that it probably won't stop anytime soon because I have no plans on explaining this side of me to her. _Ever._" He said as he looked her in the eye.

His response surprised her, she always thought he wrestled with the idea of coming clean to Laurel at some point, his tone though suggested otherwise or it could just be her wishful thinking again and it means something else entirely. She refused to think it was because of her.

"Are you sure, I mean -I thought you'd at least tell her someday. When the time was right and you finally felt that you were ready to fully commit to her… You're really not going to tell her?" She asked looking back at him to try and study his response, which she knows that she'll probably over think about later on when she's alone.

"No Felicity, _no… _Maybe in the past I wished that she'd know this side of me, but things… _change" _he breathed out.

"And… I know that she'll never understand this side of me and that's okay. I had been deluding myself into thinking that we could have someday together and we could go back to the way things were. But… somewhere, down the line I realized that- there was no going back and she would never understand _me_. Not fully." He finished.

"But if you could tell her, then maybe you could…be happy" she said as she looked at her hands once she had finished patching him up, but for some reason she didn't back away from him just yet.

As much as it pained her to tell him that he could be happy with someone other than her, she knew that she had to. After what happened in Russia and the heartfelt, yet disappointing words- she still hoped that he could work through whatever fear that was holding him back so that he could start to really live. If she was being truly honest with herself, she would admit that the thought of him forsaking his happiness for protecting his loved ones scared her more than him coming back to the foundry riddled with bullet holes and cuts. Because when he was in those self-loathing moods, he tended to get reckless and she worried that he'd sacrifice himself for the greater good. When he was like that, she wondered if he'd come home at all.

"Felicity, it's not just about explaining to her my duel identity … It's about the fact I don't _want her_ to know this side of me. It's about the fact that I…I realized that I'm _not_ in love with her anymore."

Their eyes met the moment he said it and staring back at each other, their emotions were heightened. Felicity never took much stock into the phrase of _'time standing still' _so if there was ever moment to believe it could happen, then this was it because everything seem to fall away around them. In that moment unspoken words were said and maybe just maybe- they were seeing each other in a new light.

Before either one could break the silence, Felicity's computer pinged. She shook her head and walked away from him, suddenly she was missing the warmth that he was offering while she was in his bubble. Once she made it to her computer and read what was on the screen she realized that the next week was going to be busy. She sighed.

"What is it?" Oliver asked as he moved closer to her and her computers- the ones he paid for.

"You know how earlier today you asked me to look more into Alderman Blood? Well apparently you got an invite next Friday to a charity event hosted for the Glades." She said.

"Yeah so? It's probably a good thing for Oliver Queen to show support for it, what's the problem?"

She gave a pensive look before responding, "Huh…Digg's right, that is a bit disconcerting when you refer to yourself in third person" she wondered aloud.

"Felicity?" "Oh right?! Um, I think it's a problem because I know that you wanted me to check if I could find something we could use for you to win him over and all but…instead I found something's that didn't really make sense." Felicity stated.

"Like what" he questioned.

"I don't know, _hence_ why I said they _didn't make sense_. When I figure it out, you'll be the first to know. I promise." She told him. She looked back at her computer and noticed that it was only about three hours before sunrise and thought it was best to probably leave the rest of this conversation for another night because the day's events were starting to get to her. Even though it was Friday, she still wanted to go to bed before the night ended.

"Damn, I need get going."

Felicity started to pack things up and shut her equipment down while Oliver stayed content with watching her from behind. He seemed like he wanted to ask her something, but didn't know quite how to get it out of his mouth. She stopped at the stairs, waiting for Oliver because she knew he liked walking her to her car to make sure she was safe when leaving the foundry at night. She noticed he had disappeared from her sight for a few moments, only to quickly come back dressed in jeans and a dark blue sweater with his other "more suitable for public, yet could kill you with his looks rather than hands" brown leather jacket. Though she did imagine he could kill her with his hands, but in a more pleasurable way and not in a physical harm kind of way.

He caught up to her and they both walked up the stairs in comfortable silence. She also hadn't not-noticed that somehow his right hand ended on the small of her back, guiding her out of Verdant and into the parking lot. Once they made it to her car, he opened her car door, but paused. She knew he had probably worked through whatever it was he was hesitant to say by the expression on his face- which strangely, she couldn't identify. Felicity paused as well and decided to wait for what was that he wanted to say to her.

"Felicity I-" … "Yeah Oliver?" she asked when he didn't finish his sentence. She looked up to him, giving what she hoped was a look to encourage him to continue.

"Felicity, I was wondering if maybe you'd like to go to dinner with me tomorrow night?" He asked with a nervous laugh at the end.

"Um… yeah. Di- dinner sounds good."

"Good! So I'll see you…tomorrow then… um have nice ride home"

"Thanks, I'll see you later. Be safe." Felicity said as she got into her car.

"I will." Oliver replied while closing her door for her.

The grin on his face in the parking lot light was contagious and she couldn't help but feel giddy for some reason. As she was driving away from him she wondered to herself about what just happened back there. If she wasn't so in denial- not that she would ever admit to herself that she was- she could almost say that Oliver Queen had just asked her out.

'_Yeah, things are __**definitely **__changing' _she thought with a smile.

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**Author's note- **Okay, not gonna lie- I did not expect Blood and Laurel to make an appearance really, but as I was writing it- this was the direction it was going in and I actually think I worked out a plot?! I know right- I surprise myself to sometimes, _virtual pat on the back for me_. Also going to point out that sexual tension- not my strong suit, so it would kind of be helpful if you could let me know below if I succeeded? Or if you think I suck at too is alright. I kind of also want to point out that the moment when Oliver takes his green leather jacket and he's shirtless that I go that from somewhere- if anyone can guess where I got that from? _Virtual cookie!_ Oh and if anyone wants to look me up on tumblr- my user name here is the same as it is on tumblr! Again, any and all mistakes that you notice are mine and mine alone. See you next time, if I'm lucky, I may be able to upload another chapter this weekend! (^_^)*


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